Why I fired my secretary:

Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that
morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and probably have a present for me. As it turned out,
she didn't even say good morning, let alone any "Happy Birthday."

I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember. The
children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for
the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning,
Boss.
Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.
I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's
such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch,
just you and me."

I said, "By George,! that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go!"

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; instead we went
out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch
tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a
beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I said, "No, I guess not."

She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I
think I'll go into the bedroom."

"Sure!" I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake...followed by my wife, children,
and dozens of our friends, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

on the couch...

naked

That hilarious, that cheating horny little bastard!