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 The Ford Lion - Third Quarter review.... 
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Joined: March 3rd, 2005, 2:19 pm
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Post The Ford Lion - Third Quarter review....
As a freelance analyst for the Automotive Mag, I have been tasked with testing, and summarizing the performance of, Ford's latest addition to its line of cars and trucks.

The Ford family is proud to introduce the newest product from the [broken] heart of Motown: the Ford Lion!

The popular analysis is that the unit does not run well, and simply cannot pass whatsoever, but a closer look is deserved...

The Motown is built on the Festiva chassis and thread-spindle wheels, with a Tempo frame (now available in black and silver!). But do not be deceived by the relatively diminutive size, the Lion will be sure to turn heads with its spinning chrome 34/3" wheel rims, 80-lb. chrome encrusted 'Doobie Tech" spoiler, Highly varnished (and equally delicate) BMW-grade cherry-tree wood dashboard veneer (looks good, but is virtually worthless to performance), and the FEMMI-11-powered engine, which works like a blue-collar Motown auto assembly tech (when it actually decides to work at all).

Add to that some of the additional safety features available, and it is the perfect vehicle for any driver. The Ford Lion includes a Pinner traction system guaranteed to keep you safely between the hashes of the road. The Blueskies mainframe is equipped with a state-of-the-art stabilizer, which ensures that the engine will always run the same way: look at it this way, every other driver will always know exactly where you intend to go when the Blueskies System sends out flashing red and yellow signals pointing to the destination for all to see and react to.

Finally, do not be dismayed by the relatively shabby side and quarter paneling on the Lion. We have passed on passing the cost-savings on to you in favor of equipping the Lion with a highly-innovative new performance governor, called the Spooked Mooch. With its stealthy employment of the Bryson Power-Draw system, you can be sure that your Lion never goes faster than 4 MPH, and you will never be in true danger of high-speed collisions (plus everybody will have time to focus on all the dazzling accoutriments of your Ford Lion).

Come one, come all, get yours now, while they're still available!

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November 18th, 2005, 12:12 pm
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What Hogwash. All you have done is to take the old Pinto and given it a makeover. Let me remind you that changing its name does not alter what is under the hood. :lol:

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November 18th, 2005, 12:56 pm
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Pretty funny


November 18th, 2005, 2:20 pm
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Joined: July 27th, 2005, 5:11 pm
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good stuff. I'm gonna wait for 2007 model though. It comes with an unwarranted warranty extension for 5 more years even though their last models were complete garbage.

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November 18th, 2005, 2:24 pm
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Post Re: The Ford Lion - Third Quarter review....
blueblood1 wrote:
Come one, come all, get yours now, while they're still available!


How many McQuarters is this gonna cost me? :nerd:

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November 19th, 2005, 1:03 am
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BB,

Very creative and very funny!

I like it. Well done!


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November 19th, 2005, 8:00 am
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I'd buy one, but I hear that it can only go nine yards before breaking down.

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November 20th, 2005, 12:27 am
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Strawberries&Chocolat wrote:
I'd buy one, but I hear that it can only go nine yards before breaking down.




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November 20th, 2005, 3:12 am
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