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 Snappy Answers (this is funny) 
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Post Snappy Answers (this is funny)
THE ORIGINAL HOLLYWOOD SQUARES:


If you remember the original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. Please note: most, if not all, of those answering the questions are (now) dead!
............................................................
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
.........
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
.............
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
........
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
...............
Q. According to Cosmo magazine, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
..............
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
.............
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
................
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
............
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hand while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
....................
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
..............
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
..............
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
............
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
................
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
............
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
................
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
.....................
Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does this mean?
A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
...............
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
.............
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
.........................
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet
.............
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh

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February 1st, 2006, 12:28 pm
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M2K,

Great Post!!


These are classic!



I can't even look at the name Paul Lynde without laughing.

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February 1st, 2006, 12:44 pm
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The only one I have ever heard of is Don Knotts in a lot of those old comedies. These are all hilarious. How long did it take them to think up these snappy responses?

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February 1st, 2006, 3:58 pm
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bsand2053 wrote:
The only one I have ever heard of is Don Knotts in a lot of those old comedies. These are all hilarious. How long did it take them to think up these snappy responses?


Actually not very long at all. I used to watch this show 'back in the good old days' with my mother. Paul Lynde was extremely quick with his comebacks, and some of them were even funnier than the ones posted.

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February 1st, 2006, 4:03 pm
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I have heard that Hollywood Squares actually gives their celebrity guests the questions and answers before taping the show(s). Then the celebrity gets to decide if they want to give the real answer or "bluff" and give an incorrect answer. It also gives them a chance to come up with funny come-backs like the ones posted. Still very funny stuff though. :lol:


February 7th, 2006, 6:49 pm
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California Kid wrote:
I have heard that Hollywood Squares actually gives their celebrity guests the questions and answers before taping the show(s). Then the celebrity gets to decide if they want to give the real answer or "bluff" and give an incorrect answer. It also gives them a chance to come up with funny come-backs like the ones posted. Still very funny stuff though. :lol:


This is true today, the celebs are given the questions and answers and allowed to 'develop' their comedic comebacks. However, in the old days the celebs were given only a handful of the questions and answers so there could be more spontaneous reactions from them at times. There is a tape of early Hollywood Squares outtakes with some answers that couldn't be used. I wish I owned it, because some of that stuff was hilarious.

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February 7th, 2006, 8:52 pm
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