Hey Mods, why don't we make this topic a sticky so people can find it and post their jokes here?!


I'll Bet you a Case of.......

Three guys were working on a high-rise building project
Steve, Bruce and Stanley.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says,
"Someone should go and tell his wife."
Stanley says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Stan?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Stanley replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead
and she gave you the beer?"
"Well not exactly," Stanley says. "When she answered the door, I said to
her, 'You must be Steve's widow'.
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'
And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are'

That's a good one!!

GW, Laura and Dick Cheney were all flying on Air Force One and GW goes and says.. " I could throw a thousand dollar bill out the plane and make one person happy" Laura goes " Oh yeah?! I can throw 10 one undred dollar bills out the plane and make 10 people happy." Dick says, " I can beat all of ya.. I can throw out 100 ten dollar bills and make 100 people happy."

The capt of the plane over hears this and turns to his co-pilot and says.. "You here them 3 back there gloating? Well, I can throw all 3 of them out and make 56 million people happy"

President Bush and V.P. Cheney were dining out for lunch one afternoon. The waitress approaches the tables and asks the two men what they will be having this afternoon. V.P. Cheney does the responsible thing and orders a healthy vegetarian plate. The waitress then looks at President Bush and asks for his order. He says, " Well young lady, I think I'll have a quickie." The waitress is stunned, her face turns white, and then red. She looks at the President, and says, " To think I voted for you, you should be ashamed of yourself Mr. President," and then storms off.
Stunned, President Bush looks at Dick Cheney who kindly informs the President, "Hey George, I believe thats pronounced Quiche."

Short video.

Watch these two priests pull off this funny gag in this candid camera type skit.

Click Here: The Priests Gag

This is funny!

> "How we do Laundry in Ohio"
>
> One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash
> his
> sweatshirt.
> Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he
> shouted to his
> wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
> "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on the
> shirt?"
> He yelled back, "University of Michigan"
> "Use Hot Water, a box of Tide and four cups bleach."

Funny, in Michigan if the shirt says Ohio State, the wife says "burn it and I'll buy you a better (Michigan) one."

Hehehehehehehe.

You must be on the same mailing list I'm on. I just recieved a similar joke.

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home, but she always comes walking up the drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving, around the corner, as if she has gotten out and walked the rest of the way. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi at all?

I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it was. This caused her to go completely berserk. She quickly snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should never touch her personal property, then accused me of trying to spy on her.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson Lowrider next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the street around the corner when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my motorcycle that I noticed a small amount of motor oil leaking through the gasket between
the rear head and rocker arm cover.

So... is this something I can easily repair myself or do you think I should take it back to the dealer?

I just got it this morning from a friend, lol. I bet we can trace it back!!!

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance......"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband,

"I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

He never heard the shot....

Just Released - Agenda for the Democratic National Convention for 2008:

7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.

7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N.

7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.

8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging.

8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding-- Barney Frank Presiding.

8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan-- Susan Sarandon.

9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender-- French President Jacques Chirac

9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund

9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay .. Sean Penn

9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton

9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presented Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore

9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

10:00 P.M. How George bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers-- Howard Dean

10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahnadinejad

11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet

11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War criminals-- John Kerry

11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Rodham Clinton

12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home

This was my buddy's "Joke for the past 50 years"
.
.
.
The Lions

I couldn't argue it though...outside of Barry

First Celebrity Victim of Spinach E-Coli