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 Joke of the Day 
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Modmin Dude
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
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Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-Fire Pick-up Lines" by Bubba & Cooter

1) Did you fart? ...cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded? .....cuz ya sure are special.

3) My love fer you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? ...cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? ...cuz I can see myself in em.

6) You might not be the best lookin' girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

7) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

8) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

9) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

10) Yer face reminds me of a wrench. Every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.

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August 12th, 2010, 2:32 pm
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
Haha 10 is the best!

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August 12th, 2010, 7:28 pm
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive?"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence ."

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist leader.

As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, the death Angel appeared. Obama wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."

The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 VIRGINIANS waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"....."You really need to listen when someone is trying to tell you something!"

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August 13th, 2010, 11:08 am
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
A woman went to her doctor for advice.


She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.


'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked. 'Actually, yes, I do. ''Does it hurt you?' he asked. 'No.. I rather like it. ''Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.


The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?' 'Of course, ' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think democrats come from?'

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August 18th, 2010, 10:56 am
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
A Tennessee couple, Dave and Rebecca, both bonafide rednecks, had nine children.

They went to the doctor to ask about getting Dave "fixed". The doctor said that was no problem, and he began to get things ready for the procedure. Eventually, curiosity set in on the doctor, so he said, "I've got to ask you, why after nine kids would you decide that it was time for Dave to undergo this procedure?"

Dave replied, "Well doc, I read in a paper the other day that 1 out of every 10 babies born in this country is Mexican, and we don't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because Becky and I don't speak no Spanish."

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August 18th, 2010, 11:16 am
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
Barack Obama met with the Queen of England. He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send David Cameron in here, would you?"

David Cameron walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?" The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, David, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice presidential choice the same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. "It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one..." He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, he ran into Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, " Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Sarah Palin answered back, "That's easy, it's me!"

Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Sarah Palin!"

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face, "No! you idiot! It's David Cameron!"

....AND THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON WITH OUR FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IN WASHINGTON D.C

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August 19th, 2010, 1:09 pm
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think
25 to life would be appropriate.
--Jay Leno


America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
--Jay Leno



Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
--Conan O'Brien



Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
--Jay Leno



Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.
--David Letterman



Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America
--Jimmy Fallon


Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.
--Jimmy Kimmel


Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.
--David Letterman

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August 23rd, 2010, 11:25 am
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
Well, I was reading this for the funny jokes.. now it just seems the 'jokes' are the ones slamming the POTUS. Not funny in my book.. so another thread I won't be reading anymore.

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August 23rd, 2010, 1:14 pm
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
LionsFan4Life wrote:
Well, I was reading this for the funny jokes.. now it just seems the 'jokes' are the ones slamming the POTUS. Not funny in my book.. so another thread I won't be reading anymore.

Wow! A bit thin-skinned don't ya think? :rolleyes:

It goes with the terrority, the party in power ALWAYS has jokes made about them. Just look back to the Bush years....jokes GALORE jeebus. F'n pussies ](*,) smh

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August 23rd, 2010, 2:10 pm
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
I wouldn't say thin-skinned.. but ehh call it whatever you want.

I just don't like reading stuff that I don't find funny. Other ppl do.. more power to them and enjoy!

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August 23rd, 2010, 3:22 pm
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
Not sure how these aren't funny...

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August 23rd, 2010, 3:23 pm
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
steensn wrote:
Not sure how these aren't funny...


IF you think about the "jokes" they are not funny, 'cause they're true.



Frok

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August 23rd, 2010, 3:45 pm
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
LionsFan4Life wrote:
Well, I was reading this for the funny jokes.. now it just seems the 'jokes' are the ones slamming the POTUS. Not funny in my book.. so another thread I won't be reading anymore.


Kinda like the joke you made on October 2nd, 2006:
LionsFan4Life wrote:
GW, Laura and Dick Cheney were all flying on Air Force One and GW goes and says.. " I could throw a thousand dollar bill out the plane and make one person happy" Laura goes " Oh yeah?! I can throw 10 one undred dollar bills out the plane and make 10 people happy." Dick says, " I can beat all of ya.. I can throw out 100 ten dollar bills and make 100 people happy."

The capt of the plane over hears this and turns to his co-pilot and says.. "You here them 3 back there gloating? Well, I can throw all 3 of them out and make 56 million people happy"


ZING!!!!

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August 23rd, 2010, 4:28 pm
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
slybri19 wrote:
LionsFan4Life wrote:
Well, I was reading this for the funny jokes.. now it just seems the 'jokes' are the ones slamming the POTUS. Not funny in my book.. so another thread I won't be reading anymore.


Kinda like the joke you made on October 2nd, 2006:
LionsFan4Life wrote:
GW, Laura and Dick Cheney were all flying on Air Force One and GW goes and says.. " I could throw a thousand dollar bill out the plane and make one person happy" Laura goes " Oh yeah?! I can throw 10 one undred dollar bills out the plane and make 10 people happy." Dick says, " I can beat all of ya.. I can throw out 100 ten dollar bills and make 100 people happy."

The capt of the plane over hears this and turns to his co-pilot and says.. "You here them 3 back there gloating? Well, I can throw all 3 of them out and make 56 million people happy"


ZING!!!!

Hmm...something about people and stones and glass houses comes to mind :wink:
or pots and kettles :wink:

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August 23rd, 2010, 4:41 pm
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Post Re: Joke of the Day
Isn't that the way of Democrats? They can dish it out but can't take it. They'll wave the Constitution in your face when it suits them, then want to tear it up when you're waving it back at them.

Hahahaha. GW...what an idiot. Can't even speak right. But hey, don't say anything about Obama and his teleprompters....or the 57 states of this country.....or speaking Austrian.

Honestly....Democrats ARE pussies....that's how this country got so f-ed up, because of liberal Dems.

Sorry...off soap box now...please continue with the joke telling. Whoever don't like it, stay out.

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August 23rd, 2010, 11:07 pm
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