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H2H - "Will Marinelli turn the Lions around?"
http://www.lionbacker.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=4404
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Author:  heartofalion [ January 29th, 2006, 7:24 pm ]
Post subject:  H2H - "Will Marinelli turn the Lions around?"

So far, I've only read the "yes" side. I'm not trying to be a prick, or anything, but you guys need some constructive criticism. There was nothing really wrong with the argument or the facts (obviously some points can be disputed), but there were some obvious errors, mostly in grammatical structure. Here are some of the mistakes I caught just by reading it once.
1. "...nearly all of Marinelli?s experience lies on the defensive side of the ball where as Detroit?s underachievement is centered on its offense. "
>There should be a comma between the words "ball" and "where".
2. "As Boss Ross complained, too often mistakes happen on the field despite rather than because of coaching, but what can fans do but judge the results?"
>This sentence should have two more commas. There should be one after "despite" and another after "of". Since that sentence wouldn't be too user-friendly, I would make it into two. Something like:
"As Boss Ross complained, too often mistakes happen on the field despite, rather than because of, coaching. What can fans do but judge the results?"
3. "If coaches could replicate past success Bobby Ross or Steve Mariucci would still be our top dog. "
>Comma after "success".
4. "You see, as an assistant head coach Marinelli was so intimately involved with every aspect of the Buccaneers success that sometimes he gave the half time speech."
>Comma after "coach".
5. "It is hard to imagine Gruden letting Marinelli take up such duties unless he believed him very good at it."
>Not really sure what to do here. This sentence is a mess. I think it should either be:
"It is hard to imagine Gruden letting Marinelli take up such duties unless he believed he was very good at it."
or
"It is hard to imagine Gruden letting Marinelli take up such duties unless he believed in him."
6. "What?s the proverb, it is not the size of the dog, but the fight in him?"
>Haha. Good thing you asked. It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.
7. "I mean if hoarding draft picks, acquiring college stars, and hiring big name coaches was a formula for NFL success, the Lions would have been Super Bowl long ago."
>The words "I mean" should be taken out, but are not necessarily incorrect. The same goes for the comma after "stars". Either "to the" or "to a" is missing before "Super Bowl", or "champs" should be after it.
8. "Like most Lions? fans I had never heard of Rod Marinelli before January and paid scant attention when news of his candidacy surfaced."
>Comma after "fans".
9. "In retrospect Marinelli must have been Millen?s first choice all along."
>Comma after "retrospect".
Those are just some of the things I noticed. I'm not a professional writer or editor. I'm a college student in Windsor. I just think that if you guys (or Mr. Tom Boogaart, in particular) were to be more careful, everything would look more professional and reflect better on your website. It can't hurt to proofread an article that is going be on your home page.[/b]

Author:  theAlphaMale [ January 29th, 2006, 7:35 pm ]
Post subject: 

hat40.gif grammer police weeeewooooooweeeeewoooooo :lol:

Um...did you like the article at least? :D

Author:  heartofalion [ January 29th, 2006, 7:39 pm ]
Post subject: 

Ya. I found it interesting. I thought the "no" side was better written and more entertaining. My comment was for your benefit only.

Author:  wjb21ndtown [ January 29th, 2006, 8:31 pm ]
Post subject: 

theAlphaMale wrote:
hat40.gif grammer police weeeewooooooweeeeewoooooo :lol:

Um...did you like the article at least? :D


don't you mean "grammar"? :twisted: :D :idea: :arrow:

Author:  wi7son [ February 20th, 2006, 4:15 am ]
Post subject: 

wjb21ndtown wrote:
theAlphaMale wrote:
hat40.gif grammer police weeeewooooooweeeeewoooooo :lol:

Um...did you like the article at least? :D


don't you mean "grammar"? :twisted: :D :idea: :arrow:


Haha, im litteraly rolling on the floor. In all seriousness, great call wjb.

Freedom, what did you do turn this Article into your 6th grade English teacher as your essay and get bad marks?

Dont take it personally Freedom, you know I appreciate your constructive critism from the TO posts, Just had to throw out jokes. Ill make sure I remember to dot my I's from now on though =]

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