Press Release: Terrelle Pryor has made a verbal committment
As reported from "The Bunion".
January 28, 2008.
"Terrell Pryor will be an Oiler"
February 6th is National Letter of Intent Day (NLOI) and is always a nervous day for college football fans everywhere as high school prospects declare a chosen University. One of the more celebrated prospects of 2008 is Jeanette, PA Quarterback, Terrelle Pryor. At 6'6'' 245lbs, he has been compared to Vince Young as a dual-threat quarterback with unbelievable speed and pin-point passing accuracy. On top of that, he is a fantastic basketball player and has stated that he would like to play both sports in college. Many of the recruitment services have Pryor ranked as the #1 football player in the country. As Bill Kurelic reports from Bucknuts.com, “Everyone wants Pryor to play for them, in fact our office paper football team has even extended him a scholarship“.
Mr. Pryor has been in contact with some of the nations most traditional college football programs including The Ohio State University and the University of Michigan, among others. Originally, Terrelle said he will declare on NLOI day but has decided to end all debate and commit to the University of Findlay in a move that has everyone stunned. “I am taking a nice warm bath with a toaster after this comment is over”, said Steve Perry the lead singer of Journey. “I guess that I have “Stopped Believing”, he chuckled.
Since Terrelle could not pay for his multi-million dollar cellular telephone bill, The Bunion was unable to get a statement from him. Charlie Batch’s, brothers, former tax attorney, who also plays on Bill Kurelic’s paper football team, released a statement from Terrelle “I liked both programs so much that I decided to go halfway between and play for the Oilers. I really enjoyed the recruitment process but it really came down to the colors of the schools. I mean, I really like blue but I have always been a fan of grey as well. I think that orange is so much fun, it reminds me of Halloween and breakfast.”
Todd Boekman, OSU’s starting QB said, “We should not be concerned… Ohio State is a great program with a history of landing top players; I know there will be another player like Mr. Pryor in the near future.” When he was told of the contrary, Todd transferred to the University of Delaware to join former OSU tight end, Robbie Schoenhoft.
Despite not having Terrelle play for them in 2008, both OSU and UM believe that they will have outstanding teams next season. Former Michigan head coach, Lloyd Carr said of next year’s November 22 game, “You know its right between the 21st and the 23rd so everyone should be excited.” Ohio State head coach, Jim Tressel had the following message: “Damn it, damn it all to hell, ($*&%, $@*#%%, etc.) University of Michigan head coach, Rich Rodriguez released a statement but it was destroyed immediately after he hung up the phone.
The big question now for both the Buckeyes and the Wolverines is “What high school quarterback can we bother the most next year?”