OK Wags......you owe me 2:48 of my life back.....one of the dumbest things I've ever watched.

A magician worked on a cruise ship.
Since the audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show,
"Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"
or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then 3 days...
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer: "OK, I give up. Where's the damned ship?"

YES! I love The Lonely Island. Those guys are hilarious. I think my favorite one is the Michael Bolton clip:

The US government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Can't wait to send this to my Mexican/Polish sister-in-law. Awesome!

Don't know where my joke went! Refering to the dude with the blue pigeon.

GREEN BAY PACKERS


Last year:

After the Packers / Bills game, Buffalo released quarterback Trent Edwards.

During the Packers / Eagles game, the Packers injured Philadelphia quarterback Kevin Kolb. Philadelphia then had to play backup quarterback Michael Vick.

During a playoff game against the Eagles, the Packers injured Michael Vick and another backup was needed.

After the Packers / Cowboys game, Dallas fired Head Coach, Wade Phillips.

After the Packers / Vikings game, Minnesota fired Head Coach, Brad Childress.

Four weeks after losing to the Packers, the 49er's Head Coach Mike Singletary was fired and replaced.

During the Bears playoff game, the Packers injured Jay Cutler and backup Todd Collins forcing the Bears to go with 3rd string quarterback Caleb Hanie.


Bottom line: Last year, the Packers created more jobs than Obama.

HA!!!

The Clever Cardinal

Last Saturday afternoon, in Washington , D.C., an aide to Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral in D.C. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, " No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's views. "

Pelosi's aide then said, " Look, I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint. "

The Cardinal thought about it and said, " Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon. "

As Pelosi's aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Speaker Pelosi was present.

The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While Speaker Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip- flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington, and in California. The woman is simply not to be trusted."

The Cardinal concluded, " But, when compared with President Obama, House Speaker Pelosi is a saint. "

HA!