Best bar joke I've heard in a while...




A black guy,

An illegal alien,

A Muslim, and

A Communist

Walk into a bar.



The bartender asks,...


"What can I get you... Mr. President?"

ok yeah...that was pretty darned funny!

Sad story, but you just have to check out the mom

What a frickin' whack job / skin cancer patient! She looks like she's in her late 50's!

OK, I heard this one a while ago. I hope someone didn't already post it.

The line to get into Heaven is long. Thousands upon thousands (perhaps even millions) are waiting to get in. The Angels at the Gate are processing paperwork as fast as possible. St Peter notices that some of the entrants are grumbling about how long the process is taking.

To help ease thier anxiety, St. Peter decides he will hold a contest. He will ask everyone how they died. Who ever has the most intersting story can go to the front of the line.

St. Peter approaches a man who seems very upset. He asks the man "So, how did you die?"

The angry man replies "Ok. I was on my way home from work, and I was fuming because I was sure that my wife was having an affair. I arrived at home and there, right next to my parking spot was a car I had seen before, but knew it was not one of my neighbor's. I KNEW she was having an affair, and he is here right now! I ran upstairs to my apartment, and burst in to the bedroom. My wife was in the shower. Then I saw a pair of hands holding on to the outside of the window. I KNEW it! So I started hitting the guys hands and he fell. But he landed in the bushes below and was fine. I was SO ANGRY that this guy was gonna get away, I picked up my refrigerator, and throw it out the window at him. But the exersion of lifting the refrigerator gave me a heart attack, and well, here I am."

St. Peter, a bit taken a back by the man's story, just says, "Ooookay. I'll, uh get back to you."

St Peter approaches the next man, "So, my good man, how did you die?"

The second man tells Peter, "Well, I was in my apartment on my treadmill. Suddenly it goes haywire, and throws me off. I actually fell out my open window, and would have broken my neck, but I was able to grab on to my neighbors window below. But then I'm just hanging there, when I hear my neighbor come in the door. I think 'Thank God! I'm saved.' But then he starts hitting my hands and fall. Thankfully I landed in the bushes, and I would have been fine, but a refrigerator landed on my head. Now I'm here."

St Peter is again stunned by what he is hearing. He simply replies. "I see."

Fearing what other stories he might hear, St. Peter decides to give one more person a chance. "What about you, sir?"

The third man replies, "Ok. I'm naked in a refigerator..."

How do you starve an Obama supporter?????




It's really very simple.





Just hide their food stamps..........




under their work shoes.

I realize this is a joke, but I am a supporter and work 40+hrs a week to support my family of 4. There are no food stamps under my shoes.

No one is perfect!

LOL!!!

What do you call an older woman who is attracted to younger men?

A cougar.

What do you call an older man who is attracted to younger men?

A Nittany Lion.

Now THAT is funny!

The Tiny Cabin


A social worker from a big City in Massachusetts recently transferred to the Mountains of Tennessee and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.

"Anybody home?" she asked.

"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.

"Is your father there?" asked the social worker.

"Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in," said the kid.

"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.

"Ma? Nope, she left just before I got here," said the kid.

"But," protested the social worker, "are you never together as a
family?"

"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the
outhouse!"

A 70 Year Old Women Decides To Get Married

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. ... On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"