View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently October 31st, 2014, 3:25 pm



Reply to topic  [ 396 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ... 27  Next
 Joke of the Day 
Author Message
Hall of Fame Player
User avatar

Joined: April 5th, 2005, 7:03 am
Posts: 7411
Location: Ford Field - 35 yard line / Row 32
Post 
BillySims wrote:
http://us.f329.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1_11977_AFNFv9EAAGNARYIw2AoBK3Sho%2BA&pid=2.2.2.2.2&fid=Inbox&inline=1


Sorry, this is the only way I could find to post this. It was sent to me in an email and for some reason, I can't post it as an image. Just click on the link and then zoom in to be able to read it better.



:(

Sorry buddy,

I can't get the link to work. dontknow.gif

_________________
Image


December 15th, 2006, 6:23 am
Profile WWW
Hall of Fame Player
User avatar

Joined: May 7th, 2005, 3:25 pm
Posts: 7457
Location: Earth/Sagittarius Dwarf Galaxy
Post 
LionFan57 wrote:
BillySims wrote:
http://us.f329.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1_11977_AFNFv9EAAGNARYIw2AoBK3Sho%2BA&pid=2.2.2.2.2&fid=Inbox&inline=1


Sorry, this is the only way I could find to post this. It was sent to me in an email and for some reason, I can't post it as an image. Just click on the link and then zoom in to be able to read it better.



:(

Sorry buddy,

I can't get the link to work. dontknow.gif


HMMMMMM. It worked when I posted it last night.


December 15th, 2006, 12:55 pm
Profile
Hall of Fame Player
User avatar

Joined: April 5th, 2005, 7:03 am
Posts: 7411
Location: Ford Field - 35 yard line / Row 32
Post Two Trees
A clean joke. It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:


Two Trees

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

_________________
Image


December 17th, 2006, 1:04 am
Profile WWW
Modmin Dude
User avatar

Joined: December 31st, 2004, 9:55 am
Posts: 12152
Post Titanic vs My Life
Quote:
Titanic vs My Life

Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One smart-[beeep] student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic:..... $29.99
Clinton:..... $29.99

Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:..... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:..... Bill is a [beeep] artist.

Titanic:..... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:..... Let's not go there.

Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:..... Monica' s forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:..... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hilary - basically the same thing.

_________________
Quote:
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right....


December 20th, 2006, 4:37 pm
Profile
Hall of Fame Player
User avatar

Joined: April 5th, 2005, 7:03 am
Posts: 7411
Location: Ford Field - 35 yard line / Row 32
Post NFL CheerLeaders
I was sent a pretty good NFL Cheerleaders power point slide show.

Because of the format I can't post it here. For those of you who want to see it just PM me with your regular e-mail address and I'll send it to you.


Good stuff! :lol:

_________________
Image


December 22nd, 2006, 12:16 am
Profile WWW
Hall of Fame Player
User avatar

Joined: April 5th, 2005, 7:03 am
Posts: 7411
Location: Ford Field - 35 yard line / Row 32
Post Dean Martin & Foster Brooks
Just in time for New Years Eve.

This Dean Martin & Foster Brooks skit is so funny Dean Martin himself can't keep a straight face.

Hysterical!!


Click here: Dean Martin & Foster Brooks

Image


Enjoy!

_________________
Image


December 29th, 2006, 10:58 pm
Profile WWW
Modmin Dude
User avatar

Joined: December 31st, 2004, 9:55 am
Posts: 12152
Post 
Quote:
Kathy got me a new car. She bought me a new Lexus 350. I returned to the
dealer the next day because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman
explained that the radio was voice activated. "Nelson," the salesman said
to the radio. The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" he continued
and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind"
replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say,
"Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles,"
I'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I
swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "rectum Holes!" Immediately the
French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara
Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry
on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on
tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on
Scotch.

Damn, I LOVE this car!

_________________
Quote:
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right....


January 17th, 2007, 4:22 pm
Profile
Hall of Fame Player
User avatar

Joined: May 7th, 2005, 3:25 pm
Posts: 7457
Location: Earth/Sagittarius Dwarf Galaxy
Post 
TheRealWags wrote:
Quote:
Kathy got me a new car. She bought me a new Lexus 350. I returned to the
dealer the next day because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman
explained that the radio was voice activated. "Nelson," the salesman said
to the radio. The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?" "Willie!" he continued
and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind"
replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say,
"Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles,"
I'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I
swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, "rectum Holes!" Immediately the
French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara
Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry
on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on
tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on
Scotch.

Damn, I LOVE this car!



:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


January 17th, 2007, 5:27 pm
Profile
Hall of Fame Player
User avatar

Joined: May 7th, 2005, 3:25 pm
Posts: 7457
Location: Earth/Sagittarius Dwarf Galaxy
Post 
Subject: GOLF

A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time, when finally the last lady is ready to hit the ball.

She hacks it 10 feet; .. goes over to it, .. whiffs it; .. and then hacks it maybe another 10 feet; .. and then hacks it another 5 feet.

She looks up at the men who are watching and says, apologetically, "I guess all those F***ing lessons I took this winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately replies, "Well, there you have it lady. You should have taken golf lessons instead."


January 24th, 2007, 2:32 am
Profile
NFL Team Captain

Joined: January 27th, 2005, 9:12 pm
Posts: 1610
Location: Midland, MI
Post 
Nice one Billy :lol:


January 24th, 2007, 5:13 am
Profile
Modmin Dude
User avatar

Joined: December 31st, 2004, 9:55 am
Posts: 12152
Post 
Quote:
A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Faluijiah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the
highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.
We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

"I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife scum bag, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk."

"So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid,
mean-spirited lesbian!" He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.

_________________
Quote:
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right....


January 30th, 2007, 7:56 pm
Profile
Pro Bowl Player

Joined: March 31st, 2006, 1:19 pm
Posts: 2570
Post 
TheRealWags wrote:
Quote:
A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Faluijiah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the
highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.
We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

"I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife scum bag, and he yelled back that Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk."

"So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid,
mean-spirited lesbian!" He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.


THAT is extremely funny... :lol:


January 30th, 2007, 8:06 pm
Profile
Hall of Fame Player
User avatar

Joined: May 7th, 2005, 3:25 pm
Posts: 7457
Location: Earth/Sagittarius Dwarf Galaxy
Post 
Quote:
Got to Love this Marine!



One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton." The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton". The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is not President and doesn't reside here." The man thanked him and again walked away .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary Clinton." The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your
answer!"

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."


February 7th, 2007, 3:44 am
Profile
NFL Team Captain

Joined: January 27th, 2005, 9:12 pm
Posts: 1610
Location: Midland, MI
Post 
God bless the old man and the marine! 8) 8) 8)


February 8th, 2007, 11:46 am
Profile
QB Coach

Joined: January 13th, 2006, 4:18 am
Posts: 3219
Location: Maryland
Post 
agreed jomo

nice one billy


February 8th, 2007, 12:51 pm
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 396 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ... 27  Next

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware.